In creating the new me I discovered I kind of liked the old one - it was safer .
Like most people I started the year off with new goals, grand plans - this was the year , it truly was. Things were going to change !!! I went through a few health scares and issues in the latter part of 2020, and with the Covid lockdown I had plenty of time to evaluate life and all those grand plans that came to nought. I believe I wasn't alone in having a good look at life and how it was lived. Something altered or shifted in the overall balance of the world during lockdown times.
My grand idea / delusion whichever word suits, was that I would get healthy and fit. Now I do believe I have had this same "plan" each new year for possibly 20 years , I even had a few mid year moments where things were going to change but yeah nah didn't happen. You see I really love food, and chocolate, and the occasional drink and trash TV. Not to mention the comfiest chair in the world which sits in my cosy lounge room. I live a blessed life and I like to surround myself in my comfort. This is not an ideal situation for the body that requires activity to keep the bones moving and the heart in prime operating condition.But the thing is we believe we have forever , we have time to change things, however life always has other plans and we should not take what we are blessed with for granted. Again another Covid reflection.
After a heart scare and visits to cardiologists , plus a few silly falls I decided to get fit, like really commit. In my old life I use to play tennis , walk for miles and play footy, I was always active. So it should not be to hard to get back into it surely, so I decided to learn to run. I know folks you can see where this is going, because you are sensible , alas I was not. Day one I popped my calf muscle, day 10 I tried a bush walk , got lost for two hours in winding bush tracks and really did the damage. Day fourteen I am strapped up like a mummy and can not walk. My comfy chair was so much safer.
In line with the healthy body theory I began a healthy eating idea. For some bizarre reason I have developed some strange late life allergies or reactions to food. So healthy eating was the way forward...... now this in itself opens up a whole new pandoras box of issues. Who knew healthy eating could be so dangerous and "cleansing" shall we say. This added a whole new excitement to the day I can assure you :(
So the question is do I feel better despite the little setbacks ?
Did I create a new me ?
I indeed do feel a different clarity on life in general. I have lost weight, which is helpful, I know I'm not going to be a runner but I miss my daily rambling walks, I've totally given up the idea of ever playing tennis again. I can still dance wildly but no longer "drop it like its hot " , last time I did that the back went out .
I guess the secret is to accept our limitations , this doesn't mean we have to lower our goals or ambitions it just means to work within our capabilities. Or maybe even start our projects with a measured response, not all guns blazing like a kid on cordial !! It also doesn't hurt to just change the plan , to a marry the older me ambitions with the newer me reality .
So as I sit here in my beloved Anglesea - ( I have the good fortune to be house sitting and as an extra bonus I took some annual leave ) , I gaze out into the beautiful bush and fondly remember another time. A time where the wild me , the fit and strong me roamed and rambled for hours, when life was so much simpler and slower. The time I had my own dog to walk alongside me for miles along the bush tracks, and the sound of children screeched through the bushland, a time where I always felt I belonged where the wild things were, and I have come to realise I still belong, she is still inside me , just a little bit slower and from now on playing a little bit safer.
May you spend your days getting lost along rambling tracks, where your wild things are :)
Stay safe xx
Jan
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