There is a reason I like to keep my feet firmly planted on terra firma. I can feel the solid ground beneath me , knowing I am safe and in control of where I go. I can touch the earth beneath me, my hands can ruffle the grass or I can dig my nails into the cool dirt. I have never been a thrill seeker. Bungy jumping, parachuting, deep sea diving, even snorkelling or surfing is not for me. Kudo's to the thrill seekers, I do admire your strength of trust in that there will be a safe landing or that your heart would withstand the shock, that things will be just as you planned.
I have now taken my own leap of faith off the cliff of anonymity and it is quite unsettling.Whilst writing my memoir "The Suitcase" I have locked myself away over many months and years, watched seasons change , seen children born and life go on. There has been a part of me that maybe did not truly believe I would publish my book. It was easier to continue to write when I believed no one would read it.With this in mind I wrote freely like a free falling bungee jumper swinging in the air . Then as the reality of the commitment I had made by going all new age guru and voicing my intention hit me, I really wanted to scramble up that metaphoric rope and cling to the side of the cliff to find solid ground once again. This project has been many years in the making, I oscillate between a flow of energy and productivity, to life and reality weighing me down with a dollop of self doubt just for good measure. It is about ultimately learning to trust the process, learning to trust yourself and having the courage to take a risk. Have I mentioned previously that courage is not my strong point, if conflict is around I will find the nearest exit door, if there is a medical emergency seriously do not count on me. I am your go to person to make the phone calls or offer support , all with my feet on the ground within a safe space.
Prior to receiving my manuscript back from the editor I had concocted several reasons or exit strategies as to why I should not take the risk to publish this book and after 4 years work just shelve the project. I actually made a random pro's and cons list early one morning as another form of procrastination. For amusement value I shall share some of my top ten rationale on why I can not publish a book.
1. People will read it .
2. People won't read it .
3. What if people read it .
4. People will ask me questions .
5.People will judge me.
6. Why do I want to revisit the past.
7. I'll have to organise a book launch
8. Who will come
9. What will I wear and
10. I haven't got any eyebrows - this is when I truly realised I have run out of excuses and just need to shut the fuck up, do the work and know the ground beneath me will not change or swallow me whole.
So as I dive into this new adventure I am going to trust the ground below, knowing that when I press send for the final time in two weeks it is done.
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