I am thinking of changing my creative pursuits to painting. I really feel like donning myself a brightly sewn smock made from an old shirt, finding me a huge blank canvas and a collection of multicoloured paints and going rogue. No painting in the lines, no structure, no plan, just a spray of random colour and mayhem. This is what my life feels like these days. No matter how hard I try to keep within the lines, work to structure , fight against chaos, it seems to be a way of being.
I have fantasised about finding myself a giant paint ball gun and just firing it against the canvas of life. Splurges of red , shots of blue and cannonballs of purple fired in a delicious venting session of pure glee. How great would it be ? I would have a canvas as big as my lounge room wall to showcase the full effect of all my colourful confusion. At the moment I think I really need this idea in my life.
I have been observing some little people lately and watch as they colour in and paint free of constrictions, before we grown ups gently encourage them to stick within the lines, show them how to add in the right parts in the right places. No three armed people with green hair, now now, people have two arms and brown hair. Yet little children rebel wonderfully and just do their thing with a hint of defiance and creative flair , they add colour and style as they see fit. They love to mix up all the colours, swirling the yellow with black , the bright red joining in over the purest white, all the while just creating colourful chaos. Care and control matters little as they drop big clunks of paint from the brushes onto the table, wiping the excess off on their clothing, does it really matter? Their pride in the end result is what matters, as many of us would testify from the countless kindergarten paintings we once kept on the kitchen walls or hanging on the fridge with a dodgy magnet, until they finally made their way to the special box hiding in the garage.
I have an overwhelming urge at the moment to really go rogue. I have been colouring in my life within the lines for awhile now and getting nowhere. Mostly it is self inflicted from having to much on the go , trying to do a bit to much, juggling to many balls in the air and not taking time to breathe. That elusive lady time is playing hide and seek with me and I am forgetting to live in the now.
So I have made a promise to myself to actually paint a canvas - I really need to clarify I am a crap artist , I missed that creative gene in our family structure. But I shall flick, splash, splodge and throw whatever colours I fancy onto my blank canvas of life 2020.
Look out for my avant garde exhibition coming soon - I shall call it " She should of stayed in the lines "
Till next time - may you find the child within :)
Jann
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